100+ Gold Puns and Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Are you ready to dig into a treasure trove of laughter? Buckle up, because we’re about to embark on a pun-filled journey that’s sure to leave you grinning from ear to ear.

Get ready to pan for comedy gold as we explore the world of witty wordplay and hilarious hijinks. These puns are so good, that they’re worth their weight in gold!

Gold Puns

• I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
• When chemists die, they barium.
• Broken pencils are pointless.
• What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
• I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
• I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
• All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
• I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
• Velcro – what a rip off!

Hilarious Gold Puns

• Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
• Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
• How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.
• I’m on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
• I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.
• Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
• I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
• I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
• This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
• I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.

Check Out: 150+ Top Money Puns (Laugh Your Cents Off)

Funny Gold Puns

• I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
• They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.
• PMS jokes aren’t funny; period.
• Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
• We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there’s no pop quiz.
• I didn’t like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
• Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
• When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
• Broken pencils are pointless.
• What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.

Check Out: 150+ Ultimate Rock Puns (Boulders of Laughter Await)

Gold One-Liners

• I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know Y.
• When life gives you melons, you’re dyslexic.
• Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.
• What did the grape say when it got stepped on? Nothing – but it let out a little whine.
• I’ve been to the dentist several times so I know the drill.
• The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.
• I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
• She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
• A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
• No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

Check Out: 100+ Soil Puns That Turn Your Laughs Fertile

Best Gold Jokes

• Two antennas got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
• I went to a seafood disco last week… and pulled a mussel.
• What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
• Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, “Dam!”
• Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.
• A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
• A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named “Ahmal.” The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him “Juan.” Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, “They’re twins! If you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Ahmal.”
• Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
• A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.
• And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

Check Out: Top 100 Key Puns From Cars to Keyboards

Best Gold Puns

• A lion would never cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood.
• Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
• A backward poet writes inverse.
• In a democracy, it’s your vote that counts. In feudalism, it’s your Count that votes.
• A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
• If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
• With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
• Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor.
• When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
• The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.

Check Out: 130 Hilarious Finance Puns to Lighten Your Economic Spirits

Gold Puns and Jokes

• I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can’t put it down.
• I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
• When life gives you melons, you’re dyslexic.
• Two antennas got married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.
• I went to a seafood disco last week… and pulled a mussel.
• What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
• Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, “Dam!”
• Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
• A dwarf, who was a mystic, escaped from jail. The call went out that there was a small medium at large.
• A lion would never cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood.

Check Out: 160+ Lock Puns (Hilarious Jokes to Crack You Up)

Short Gold Puns

• Broken pencils are pointless.
• What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
• England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
• I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
• I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.
• Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
• I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
• I’m friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know Y.
• Sleeping comes so naturally to me, I could do it with my eyes closed.
• No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

Check Out:

• 150+ Backpack Puns and Jokes to Keep You Laughing on the Trail
• 100+ Jeep Puns and Jokes to Rev Up Your Laughter Engine
• 110+ Screw Puns and Jokes That Will Leave You in Stitches
• 130 Time Puns – From Tick-Tock Laughs to Dark Humor Delights
• 140+ Top Electricity Puns (Spark Up Laughs)

Final Words

Well, folks, that’s a wrap! We’ve mined the depths of comedy and struck gold with these hilarious puns. From the silly to the witty, these jokes are sure to bring a smile to your face and a chuckle to your belly.

So the next time you’re feeling down, just remember: laughter is the best medicine, and puns are the glorious side effects. Keep punning, my friends!