Looking to fast-track some laughter into your day?
Well, buckle up because we’ve got a need for speed – and puns!
These speed puns are sure to get your gears turning and leave you in stitches.
So, put the pedal to the metal and enjoy these high-octane jokes!
Hilarious Speed Puns
- Why was the math book always speeding? Because it had too many problems to solve.
- What do you call a wolf that’s always speeding? A blur-wolf.
- Why did the speeding car apply to be a comedian? It wanted to accelerate the laughs!
- What did the speeding tomato say to the car? “Catch up!”
- Why don’t cars play hide and seek? They’re always spotted going too fast.
- How did the speeding scarecrow get promoted? He was outstanding in his field!
- Have you heard about the magician speeding on the highway? He turned into a driveway!
- Why did the bike race end in a tie? Everyone shifted gears at the same speed.
- What did the speedometer say to the bike? “I’m gauge-ing your interest in speed!”
- Why did the turtle never speed? It didn’t want to come out of its shell.
Hilarious Speed Puns
- Why did the racing car go to therapy? To get rid of its need for speed.
- What’s a speeding star’s favorite mode of transportation? A comet.
- Why did the fast food worker get fired? They couldn’t ketchup with the orders.
- How fast was the speeding book? It was a real page-turner.
- Why did the speeding ghost blush? Because it saw the speed limit sign and realized it was going through it.
- What’s a rabbit’s favorite speed? Hop-speed!
- Why are fast plants such good friends? They always stick together like speedy peas in a pod.
- Why was the speeding dictionary always late? It was too busy looking up fast words!
- How do you measure the speed of a joke? By how fast it gets a laugh!
- Why did the rocket make a terrible comedian? It was too fast for punchlines.
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Funny Speed Puns
- Why did the speeding coffee get cold? Because it just couldn’t espresso its feelings quickly enough.
- What do you call an animal that’s always speeding? A cheetah.
- What did the lightbulb say when it found out it could speed? “I’ve got a bright idea!”
- Why don’t runners eat before a race? Because they feel fasted afterwards.
- How do you stop a speeding soccer ball? By giving it a red card.
- Why did the internet speed get a promotion? It had excellent bandwidth!
- How do you describe a speeding chocolate? A snicker in a hurry.
- What’s a cyclist’s favorite speed? Wheel-speed!
- Why did the computer speed up? It heard about a byte-sized shortcut.
- What’s a Jedi’s favorite speed? Light speed.
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Speed Puns One-Liners
- Speeding through school? That’s some fast-track learning!
- I’m on the highway to gelato. I’m speeding for sweets!
- He was so speedy, even his shadow had to catch up!
- I tried joining a speed-reading group, but they were a page ahead.
- Fast food should really be called speed-thru meals!
- Does this GPS show the speed of sound? ‘Cause I’m moving fast.
- Swiftly moving on… gotta keep the speed up!
- He hit the brakes – but still burned rubber on the speed bump!
- Speed-dialing for comedy relief – that’s a quick laugh!
- Speeding tickets? I call them my “fast passes”.
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Best Speed Jokes
- Why did the car mechanic fail his driving test? He kept using brake for everything!
- What do you call a race car that’s always late? A Lamborghini Procrastinator.
- Why don’t speedsters tell jokes? Because timing is everything!
- How does a speed demon clean his house? In a flash.
- Why do speedboats never get lost? They just wade through it all!
- What’s a sprinter’s favorite type of vegetable? Fast beans.
- Who cleans up quickly at NASA? The speed duster.
- What’s the first thing a speedy detective looks for? Fast tracks.
- How do speedy stains get cleaned? With fast action detergent.
- Why was the speedy vampire so energetic? It drank rocket fuel.
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Best Speed Puns
- I wanted to go faster, so I downloaded a speed booster for my legs.
- In the race of life, always pace yourself or you’ll be a burnout.
- A snail entered a race, but withdrew because the pace was shell-shocking.
- Eating fast food in a hurry – that’s a speed feast.
- Speed skating? More like slip-and-slide on ice.
- My GPS told me I was speeding – I guess punctuation is important!
- Can’t be caught in the act if you’re already at top speed.
- The fastest thing at the North Pole? Santa’s joyride.
- Found my twin on the speed cam – it was a fast likeness.
- Sonic the Hedgehog’s motto: Speed is my middle name!
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Speed Puns and Jokes
- Why do colander jokes spread quickly? Because bad puns strain credulity.
- How do you know if a motorcycle is happy? It revs up laughter.
- Why did the bird avoid the speed trap? It couldn’t wing it any faster.
- Why was the tornado always smiling? It loved whirlwind humor.
- Speed dating at auto shows – it’s a spark plug moment.
- They said I was a fast learner, but I think I just sped past class!
- Why did the traffic light feel guilty? It couldn’t stop speeding tickets!
- Can tractors race? It’s a slow start, but the finish is farm-tastic.
- Why are joggers bad comedians? They can’t deliver a punchline on the run.
- Speeding on a rollercoaster? That’s some high-velocity fun!
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Short Speed Puns
- He’s fast – faster than a microwave popcorn popper!
- Speedy snail? Now that’s a contradiction in slow-motion.
- Catch me if you can? I’m already on fast forward.
- Quick on the draw, but slow on the reload.
- Fast-forward through life – just don’t miss the good parts.
- What’s a fast Wi-Fi’s best friend? Speedtest.
- Fast cars and slow traffic – life’s highway irony.
- Speed limits? More like speed suggestions.
- Need for speed – even dessert can’t wait!
- Speed-run through humor – always chasing that quick laugh.
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