Welcome to the pun-dit league, where the only offside is not laughing! If you’re looking to add a little humor to your halftime talks or just want to impress your mates at the pub with some clever football wordplay, you’ve come to the right place.
Buckle up as we dribble through a match-winning lineup of football puns that promise to score big on giggles and groans!
Hilarious Football Puns
- Why did the football team go to the bank?
To get their quarterback! - What do you call a football player who walks back home after a game?
A footballer on foot! - Why don’t football players ever sweat?
They have too many fans! - What kind of tea do football players drink?
Penal-tea! - Why was the football team always in trouble?
Because they kept getting penalized for foul play! - How do football players stay cool during the game?
They stand near the fans! - Why did the football coach go to the bank?
To get his quarter back! - What do you call a dinosaur that scores touchdowns?
A Tyrannoscore-us Rex! - What do you get when you cross a football player with a payphone?
A player who makes good calls! - Why was the tiny ghost asked to join the football team?
They needed a little team spirit!
Funny Football Puns
- What’s a football player’s favorite dance move?
The goal slide! - Why did the football quit the team?
It was tired of being kicked around! - What do you call a group of football fans standing in the sun?
A fan tan! - How do football players stay in touch?
They cell-phone it in! - Why do football coaches like smart phones?
Because they can use touch screens! - What’s a goalkeeper’s favorite snack?
Beans on post! - Why don’t grassy football fields ever get lonely?
Because they’re full of blades! - What’s a footballer’s favorite kitchen appliance?
The microwave, because it’s great for making quick subs! - Why did the football player bring string to the game?
Just in case he needed to tie the score! - Why was the football team better at geometry?
Because they knew all the angles!
Check Out: 140+ Kickball Puns and Jokes That Score
Football One-Liners
- I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist.
- If the shoe fits, it’s probably not a high heel!
- I’d tell you a construction pun, but I’m still working on it.
- I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
- I’m reading a book on anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!
- I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already!
- I’d tell you an electricity joke, but I’m not sure if you’d be shocked.
- I’d tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn’t get a reaction.
- Have you heard about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
- I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.
Check Out: 140+ Soccer Puns and Jokes to Score Big Laughs
Best Football Jokes
- Why do football stadiums get hot after the games? Because all of the fans leave!
- What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs? Gracias.
- Why was the football pitch wet? The players dribbled all over it!
- How do you stop squirrels from playing football in the garden? Hide the ball, it drives them nuts!
- What’s it called when a dinosaur gets a goal? A dino-score.
- Why do goalkeepers spend ages on the Internet? They can’t stop saving their work.
- Why are football pitches never thirsty? They get plenty of shots!
- Why was Cinderella so bad at football? Her coach was a pumpkin.
- What does a footballer and a magician have in common? Both do hat tricks!
- Why don’t grassy fields ever get lonely? Because they have a lot of blades that stick together.
Check Out: 160 Top Softball Puns (From Field to Fun)
Best Football Puns
- Why did the football player go to the party? To get his kick on!
- What do you call a footballer with a bad back? A chiropractor’s dream player!
- Why do goalkeepers never lose their internet connection? Because they are always saving it!
- What do you call an old football player? Agoal-den oldie!
- Why was the computer cold at the football game?
Because it left its Windows open! - Why don’t football players do well in school?
Too many tackles on their mind! - What do you call a football player who’s great at crafts?
A knitting back! - Why did the footballer bring string to the game?
To tie up loose ends! - What’s a football player’s least favorite ride at the amusement park?
The merry-go-round—they prefer more straightforward goals! - How does a football player make holy water?
He boils the hell out of it!
Check Out: 120 Volleyball Puns That Will Have You Serving Laughs
Football Puns and Jokes
- Why did the football team go to the cookie store?
To get a good batch of “cookie” players! - What do you call a footballer without eyes?
No-eye-dea on the field! - Why are football games at night?
Because the players might go on strike in the daylight! - What do you get when you cross a football player with a skunk?
A player that really stinks at defending! - Why do football players do well in school?
They know how to use their heads! - What do you call a fat football player?
A goal-keeper! - How do you save a drowning football player?
Pass him a “life goal!” - Why was the football team so good at the internet?
They mastered the net! - What’s it called when a football player makes a great film?
A game movie! - Why was the footballer always early?
He never wanted to miss a kick-off!
Check Out: 160+ Tennis Puns to Keep Your Spirits High on the Court
Short Football Puns
- Why are footballers great for democracy?
They believe in fair play! - What do you call a lazy football player?
A snoozer midfielder! - Why do goalkeepers never get lost?
They always know where their net is! - What do you call a spooky football tournament?
The Ghoul Cup! - Why did the footballer go to school?
To get his master’s in scoring! - What do football teams eat for breakfast?
Bowl-g cereal! - Why don’t football players ever flush their toilet?
Because they want a clean sheet! - What do you call a football player with a toe injury?
A toe-tally terrible situation! - Why do football referees never get lost?
They always follow the whistle! - What’s a football player’s favorite fruit?
Orange, because it’s easy to peel!
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- 140+ Skate Puns and Jokes for True Skateboarding Fans
Final Words
That wraps up our league of extraordinary football puns! Whether you’ve found the perfect quip to tackle a smile or a groan, these puns are sure to keep the ball rolling at any game-day gathering.
So next time you’re out on the field or cheering from the stands, remember: the real win is having fun. Now, go ahead and give these jokes a shot—may the best pun win!
Katherine is the passionate educator and writer behind HandwritingwithKatherine.com. As a dedicated teacher, she cherishes the art of handwriting and its unique reflection of individuality. Beyond the classroom, Katherine delves into the world of writing, sharing a blend of educational insights and personal stories. When she’s not teaching or blogging, Katherine can be found exploring bookshops or writing with a comforting cup of tea in hand.
