160+ Sword Puns (Slice Into These Sharp-Witted Jokes and One-Liners)

Grab your helmets and polish your blades because it’s time to embark on a pun-filled quest through the whimsical world of swords!

From swashbuckling wordplay to sharp-witted humor, we’ve gathered a collection of puns and jokes that are sure to “slice” up your day.

So, unsheathe your laughter, and let’s cut right to the chase with these witty puns!

Sword Puns

• What did the sword say to the shield? “You’re my knight in shining armor!”
• Why don’t swords make good stand-up comedians? They just can’t handle the cutting remarks.
• The swordsmith wasn’t good at his job—his blades just couldn’t “cut” it.
• Want to hear a sharp joke? Hold on, I’m still trying to “hone” it.
• I told my friend he’d be “pointless” without a sword. He didn’t get the “thrust” of the joke.
• The knight couldn’t stop making sword jokes. He said it was just his “cutting-edge” humor.
• Two swords were talking, and one said, “I’m feeling a bit dull.” The other replied, “Maybe it’s time to sharpen up!”
• The sword was excellent at keeping secrets—it never blabbered because it was “double-edged.”
• I brought a dull sword to the comedy club. It made a point, but it wasn’t very “cutting.”
• When the sword started giving advice, it told everyone to “stay sharp.”

Hilarious Sword Puns

• The swordsmith had to quit his job because he couldn’t handle the “cut-throat” competition.
• Why did the sword get a promotion? It always “edged” out the competition.
• The warrior complained that he didn’t get a sword for his birthday. He felt “slighted.”
• The pirate’s sword couldn’t help making puns because it was “arrr-tfully” crafted.
• Swords are great storytellers—they always know how to give a “pointed” narration.
• The new sword in town had a lot to prove, but it always fell “short.”
• My sword likes to dance; it has a “blade”-soled shuffle that’s quite sharp.
• The swordsmith’s advice? “Forge” ahead and don’t be afraid to cut to the chase!
• I couldn’t find my sword last night—it was hiding in “sheath.”
• Why did the sword break up with the axe? It couldn’t handle the “axe-citement.”

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Funny Sword Puns

• My sword doesn’t like flying—it always gets “board” at the airport.
• The chef always wields his knife like a sword because he has a “cutting-edge” kitchen.
• Swords that perform on stage always want to “slash” ticket prices.
• I bought a new sword for my friend, but he couldn’t handle the “weight.”
• Swords prefer music with “sharp” notes—they just can’t get enough of it.
• The samurai couldn’t find his sword. It was right under his “samurai-nose.”
• My sword joined the gym to work on its “core.”
• If a sword doesn’t have a scabbard, it’s “sheath”-less and stressed.
• The fencing team couldn’t agree on the best sword—they were “at cross-purposes.”
• A sword and a bow were fighting; the bow said, “You always try to cut me down!”

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Sword One-Liners

• “Sword you doing later?”
• “I think this sword could use a little more ‘polish.'”
• “If you want to sharpen your skills, it’s a cut-throat competition out there.”
• “This sword collection is a ‘slash’ above the rest.”
• “Swords: because nothing says ‘stay away’ like an old-fashioned blade.”
• “Cut your losses and find a better sword!”
• “I’m ‘drawn’ to you like a knight to his sword.”
• “You really know how to ‘point’ things out.”
• “Sword fights are just cutting-edge conversations.”
• “Knights with swords are my ‘point’ of interest.”

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Best Sword Jokes

• Why did the sword refuse to play cards? It couldn’t handle all the “cuts.”
• What’s a knight’s favorite fruit? A “cut-ron!”
• The sword was late to the fight because it got stuck in “sheath” traffic.
• What’s a pirate’s sword called? A “buccut-neer.”
• Why do swords never get lonely? They always have a “point.”
• What did the sword say to the scabbard? “Sheath happens!”
• Why did the samurai start a band? He wanted to “slash” into the music scene.
• The sword went to a therapist because it felt “pointless.”
• How do swords settle arguments? They “slash” out their differences.
• Why don’t swords tell secrets? They know they could “cut” deep.

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Best Sword Puns

• If your sword is rusty, give it some “steel-ing” love.
• A sword isn’t just any old blade—it’s “knife” and day better.
• I wasn’t “cut” out for sword-fighting, so I became a jester instead.
• Why did the knight skip sword practice? He felt a little “thrust-y.”
• The pirate’s sword loved the sea breeze—it was a “cut-lass.”
• The knight’s sword was really “sharp,” and not just in the literal sense.
• The warrior tried a new swordsmith, but his blades weren’t “up to parry.”
• Sword-fighting jokes are sharp, but they’re “edgy” at best.
• “If you love something, set it ‘freeblade.'”
• “Wield your sword with confidence and ‘sword’ through life.”

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Sword Puns and Jokes

• Why do swords make good gym instructors? They always know how to “cut” down on fat.
• The swordsman couldn’t make it to the duel because he felt “under-the-blade.”
• The knight ordered a sword that was “tailored” just for him—it was a perfect fit.
• Did you hear about the sword that took singing lessons? It was “pitch-perfect.”
• The medieval chef was asked to make “cut-ting-edge” cuisine.
• Why did the swordsman open a bakery? He wanted to “cut” into the pie market.
• Why don’t swords tell their friends about their scabbards? They prefer to keep things “under wraps.”
• The samurai always told the best jokes because he had a “sharp” wit.
• The sword was afraid of flying because it didn’t like the “thrust” of the engines.
• “Make a sword your ally, and ‘forge’ a great friendship.”

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Short Sword Puns

• “Sheath up and let’s go!”
• “In sword, you say?”
• “You’re a ‘cut’ above.”
• “Stay ‘sharp’ out there.”
• “It’s time to ‘draw’ your sword.”
• “Blade to meet you!”
• “I’m ‘hooked’ on swords.”
• “Wield your blade with pride.”
• “Slash your way to victory.”
• “Thrust me, I know puns.”

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Final Words

And there you have it—enough sword jokes and puns to fill your laughter scabbard to the brim!

Whether you’re jousting with knights or fencing with friends, these puns will always have you wielding a grin.

Now, go forth, stay sharp, and don’t forget to cut to the punchline!